WARNING: THIS IS AN ANGST RIDDEN ARTICLE AND ANY SEMBLANCE TO ANY HUMAN OR ANIMAL, DEAD OR ALIVE, ORGANIC OR INORGANIC IS…, WELL, JUST TOO BAD.
Have you ever been pushed to the brink of giving up? When you feel so helpless?
The past 2 weeks have been especially trying for me. I seem to get one bad news after another. Let me tell you about them.
It all started, of course, with that painful bill for the repair of my car which was in ICU for 16 days.
And then, there was the complete apathy of people that I work with.
For a long time now I have been wondering why the hospital or people who deal with a particular condition related to HIV, drug addicts and dialysis patients aren’t interested in purchasing an injectable form of therapy to treat them even though there are funds for it. This therapy, though costly, have been proven to actually rid these patients of the debilitating illness. Now isn’t that good news?
But no, no one seems to be even mildly excited about it.
And then I got the answer last week.
Some one told me in a matter-of-fact manner:
“I HAVE NO INTEREST IN TREATING YOUR TYPE OF PATIENTS!”
So, finally it’s out. It was the ‘type’ of patients that prevented them from being treated.
And then there is this patient of mine (yes, that ‘type’ of patient) who has been admitted for 5 days before I was informed about him. He came complaining of right shoulder pain. For that 5 days, every one basically bypassed him, assuming that his complain was merely ’soft tissue pain’.
Until I saw him.
He has a fluctuant tender swelling extending from the root of his neck, covering his entire right neck, right suprascapular area, supraclavicular and infraclavicular areas and finally the right axilla. His right upper limb was double the size of his left. I took a needle and syringe and aspirated 20 cc of frank pus.
My request for an urgent MRI was turned down instantly without a call to find out if it is necessary but rather it was returned with a ’semi-veiled sarcastic’ request that my MRI request be reviewed by some one higher up. I felt like I was slapped twice in the face. After a review by some one higher up, a scan was felt to be justified and by the time it was done, a good 2-3 days were lost. This only added to my resentment for most (but not all) radiologists ~ some of whom I have had very bad encounters with. Doesn’t it occur to them that no one (especially a specialist) would order a scan just for the fun of it?
And then came the battle that I have fought many times over with my surgical colleagues ~ to try and get one of them to do a drainage procedure on the incredibly large abscess that is slowly taking the life of my patient. The surgeons took a look and promptly passed the patient to the ortho people.
And that’s how the status quo is. My patient is now in their ward, with no immediate plans. Surgery is delayed with reasons such as the coagulation profile is deranged, the patient is slightly delirious, etc etc.
God, the patient is in sepsis!!! What else do you expect? The longer the delay, the more septic he will be, the more deranged his coagulation profile will be and the more delirious he will become!
I have this sick feeling in my gut that my patient will pass away ~ all because no one wants to touch this ‘type’ of patient. I have fought so hard for this man, treating him from Feb 2008 and he was doing well for a spell. I would gladly take the scalpel and do the drainage myself, if I know where to incise!
And then the last piece of news hit me really hard 2 days ago.
I got a call from a friend. A friend of his has just been diagnosed with HIV.
In the last 2 months, I have had this “friend of a friend being infected and diagnosed with HIV” scenario played repeatedly, like reruns of sick and lousy B grade movies. There is an epidemic out there! And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
A couple of weeks ago, after we heard the estimated cost for the repair of my car, one night, my wife turned to me while we were both trying to sleep and said:
“You know, sometimes I wish you are not doing what you do. I wish you would open a clinic or be in private practice, then we won’t have problems like this. But I know you can’t. You love what you do. You will be miserable in a clinic.”
You know, some times, I really felt like taking her advise and make her dream come true.
I feel so helpless, frustrated and on the brink of giving up, maybe throw in the towel and go open a clinic (I think the area where my mum and dad lives could do with a clinic!)
But I can’t.
Because if I do, some people will die. I can’t live with that.
Fri, 150808 @ 0700





















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