Symptomology of an ED doctor

This is so hilarious I had to post it. I received this from a friend on Facebook. I must confess I am guilty of about 90% of the misdemenour listed here:

You KNOW you’v worked in an ER department when:

You believe that all bleeding stops … eventually.

You find humor in other people’s stupidity.

You believe that 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm.

Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the
nicest restaurants.

You plan your dinner break whilst lavaging an overdose patient.

Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most
computers.

You believe chocolate is a food group.

You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group.

You have the bladder capacity of five people.

Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.

You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.

You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.

You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign a self discharge form so you
don’t
have to deal with them any longer.

You believe that “shallow gene pool” should be a recognized diagnosis.

You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the
phrase “Wow, it’s really quiet isn’t it”.

You threaten to strangle anyone who even starts to say the “q” word when it
is
even remotely calm.

You say to yourself “great veins” when looking at complete strangers at the
grocery store.

You have ever referred to someone’s death as a transfer to the “Eternal Care

Unit”.

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled “Suicide … Doing It
Right”.

You feel that most suicide attempts should be given a free subscription
to “Guns and Ammo” magazine.

You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say “I have no
idea how that got stuck in there”.

You have ever had to leave a patient’s room before you begin to laugh
uncontrollably.

Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

You think that caffeine should be available in I/V form.

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.

You play poker by betting ectopics on ECG strips.

You want the lab to perform a “dumb shit profile”.

You have been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider radiation a form
of
birth control.

You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to length of time
from symptom onset.

Your most common assessment question is “what changed tonight to make it an
emergency after 6 hours / days / weeks / months / years)?”.

You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered some food.

Your idea of gambling is an blood alcohol level pool instead of a football
pool.

You shock someone with an unrecognizable rhythm … until you get one you DO

recognize.

You believe a book entitled ‘Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time’ will
be
your next project.

You have ever referred to someone’s death as a ‘transfer to part 3
accomodation’.

You can identify what kind of diarrhea it is just by the smell.

You will never name a daughter “Melena” or anything along those lines.. and
laugh to yourself every time you hear someone by that name

You call subcutaneous emphysema “Rice Krispies”.

Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack
squirrels in the backyard.

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