Violated

I went to a shopping centre in town to buy some underwear (read no further if you are prudishly adverse to any mention of undergarments). I have had my eyes set on some, in my opinion, rather nice and comfortable tanga briefs by POLICE.

While I was making my selection (I wanted to get light-colored ones so people can’t spot my underwear color from Mars whenever I put on a pair of white Bermudas) when I was accosted by a post-menopausal woman.

“Mister, if you are gonna choose that brand, I think you had better think twice. Why don’t I introduce you to a much better brand?”

“It’s okay”, I flashed one of those smiles that I hoped conveyed the message that I’d like to be left alone and that she has no business introducing underwear to a guy young enough to be her son.

She was obviously immune to subtle messages because she then launched into a vitriolic attack on the very brand I had in mind!

“This brand ar… the material is too thin la. The cutting is too low and it’s not comfortable. Aitellya, when you sweat down there ar… (looking at the region where my family jewels are located), this underwear ar…cannot absorb all the sweat and you will be wet and sticky down there (again casting her lascivious eyes down my nether region).

I was about to say, “I happen to like low-cut briefs made with thin materials and I do not sweat like a pig, at least not down South!”, but she had already disappeared….

Only to reappear a few seconds later carrying the product that she claimed would surpass any other underwear in the world!

I took one look at it and vigorously fought the urge to puke! In her hands was one of the most hideous underwear I have ever seen in my life! It even made Pagoda brand briefs looked desirable! I imagined my family jewels wrapped inside one of these abomination like an Egyptian mummy, the heat stifling and killing any middle-aged left-over sperms. The material looked like they were from the very people who designed the costumes for Bananas in Pajamas! I wouldn’t be caught dead in one of them and if I died and some one actually puts one of these on my persons, I swear I shall haunt him/her forever!

I firmly believe that woman was either an alien from outer space sent to prevent men from procreation or an escapee from an asylum for men-haters.

I gave her one of my “That’s blardy disgusting!!!!” stare and walked away.

To have such a person peddling men’s brief in a male underwear section is a violation of my human right. Every man should be allowed to browse for his intimate wear in peace. I am sure women would be offended if a man should peddle Bananas-in-Pajamas bras or lingerie to them in the women’s section!

Just leave me alone!!!!

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