Learning Aussie


When I was in Salzburg, Austria about two years ago, it didn’t take me long to pick up the local lingua franca (i.e. German). It was so easy I blogged about it 3 times: (you absolutely MUST click on the links below – I consider them some of my best blog articles)

1. Learning German 1

2. Learning German 2

3. Learning German 3

Now that I have been in Melbourne for the last few months, I’ve picked up some Aussie as well. Here’s a list of what I have learned so far:

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1. “Ta”

It basically means “thanks” and is used when you want to say “thank you” to some one who has just done you a favour or basically when you want the conversation to end and for the person to just leave.

2. “Heaps”

Aussies use heaps and heaps of “heaps”! They say “heaps” for everything. For example:
“She’s got heaps of money”
“We had heaps of fun!”
“Love you heaps!”

Now, the word “heaps” is usually used in a ‘positive’ context. You should not use it to describe something unpleasant or negative. For instance, you should never say, “I’ve got heaps of diarrhoea!” or “She’s got heaps of herpes!”

3. “How ya goin’?”

If you think that Aussies greet each other with the cliche “G’dday mate”, you are wrong. Instead, this one is the greeting that I hear most often in Melbourne. Now, you should pronounced the ‘goin’” as you would pronounce the word ‘groin’ with that little emphasis at the end.

Initially I didn’t know how to respond to this greeting. I mean, if back home some one were to ask me “How ya goin’”. I would probably say “depends on where exactly it is I am going, I would either walk, take a bus or drive!”. But here, it just another way of saying “hello”. The appropriate answer would be, “it’s goin’ great!”, taking care to pronounce the word ‘goin’ just right. :)

4. “Cease”

“Cease” is a medical term commonly used among doctors and nurses here. It is equivalent to “stop” back home. So, instead of saying, “stop antibiotics”, they say “cease antibiotics” here. Perhaps ‘stop’ is too abrupt a word for them and ‘cease’ denotes a ‘gradual kind of stopping’.

5. “No worries”

This is a term used when you actually want to say “not a problem”, or “I will get the job done” or “take your time” depending on the situation. Never mind that you are actually plenty worried about something to the point of developing gastric ulcers, you put up a cheery smile and say, “no worries”. :)

6. “Cheers”

“Cheers” is commonly used as a farewell greeting, like “okay, sure, no worries, cheers!”, at the end of a phone conversation. It does not mean the act of toasting some one with alcohol beverage.

7. “That’s fantastic!”

You use this exclaimation when you are impressed (even mildly impressed) in reaction to a piece of good news or a good piece of work well done, etc. You have to pronounce it just right, the emphasis has to be at the ‘tas’ part of ‘fantastic’ as in “That’s fanTAAAAAAAASSSS….(pause for effect)..TIC!” Adding the word ‘blardy’ between “that’s” and “fantastic” is optional.

8. ‘Ice’ not ‘Ace’

Whenever a word has ‘ace’ in its spelling, such as the word ‘space’, you pronounce it as ‘spice’. So in Australia, ‘facebook’ is pronounced as ‘FICEBOOK’!! God help you when you want to say, “Make some space for the spice”.

9. ‘Va Va Va’ not ‘Ver Ver Ver’

When a word ends with ‘ver’, in Australia you prononce it as ‘Va’. So, if you wanna say “forever”, you should say “for..eh..VA”! So, ‘fever’ becomes ‘FEE..VA’ and ‘never’ becomes ‘Neh..VA’!

10. ‘Eeyah’ not ‘ere’

When a word ends with ‘ere’, as in ‘here’, ‘there’, etc, you pronounce the last bit as ‘eeyah’. So ‘here and there’ is pronounced as ‘hee..yah and ther…eyah’!!

11. “Hmmmm”

“Hmmm” is the low tone sound made from deep within an Aussie’s chest resonating outwards from the oral cavity. It is used as a ‘silence filler’, like in the awkward moment when there is an uncomfortable pause after a particular animated discussion about an interesting subject and all discussions have been exhausted. It is at this point that one or more Aussies will start making the “hmmm” sound, in various tone and duration, until the next topic of interest comes up!

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12. “Yum” and “Din Din”

“Yum” is the Aussie way of saying “delicious” and is not a Chinese name. “Din din” basically means “dinner” and not ‘a lot of awful noise’.

13. Wasawallaby

According to Wikipedia, “a wallaby is any of about thirty species of macropod (Family Macropodidae). It is an informal designation generally used for any macropod that is smaller than a kangaroo or wallaroo that has not been given some other name”. “Wasawallaby” means “was-a-wallaby” basically a ‘wallaby-has-been’. I first learned this phrase from the driver-cum-tour guide when I visited the Great Ocean Road and we chanced upon a dead wallaby on the road. :)

14. “Mate”

“Mate” is pronounces as “Mite” in Australia. It’s not that easy to emulate. Even Oprah Winfrey had a tough time saying it the way Aussies do. “Mate” is a friendly term when used in Australia to address anyone from a casual friend, to a work colleague, or a good buddy. It does not ever mean the act of carnal intercouse. Again, God help you if you want to say, “Hey mate, can you please help me get rid of the mite, mate?!”

15. “Partner”

No one has a ‘wife’ or ‘husband’ in Australia. Not even a ‘spouse’. They have ‘partner’ which is a general term used to denote anyone living together (not necessarily married to each other). “Partner” can mean some one of the opposite or the same sex or even a door for that matter. :)

16. “Good Onya Mate!”

This phrase is used to mean “Well done!” or “I’m happy for you!”. It does not actually mean that something is good on you.

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17. “Yeah”

“Yeah” is an extremely versatile word and is used when you agree with a person when he/she says something; as another ‘awkward silence filler’; and as an answer to just about any question asked when you don’t actually want to answer it. (Am I making sense here?!). The best way to say ‘Yeah’ is the same way Usher sings it in his famous song, ‘Yeah’. :)

That’s about it I think….Yeah

Hmmmmm…..

Hmmmmmmm……

Cheers!

Chocolate passion


Which of the 2 below would you prefer? Exhibit A on your left or Exhibit B on your right?

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Exhibit A is the famous Renaissance ‘David’ created by Michelangelo. Exhibit B is a sculpture created by the people at the CHOCOLATE FACTORY ON PHILLIP ISLAND!

And yes, Exhibit B is 100% pure unadulterated chocolate (except possibly for the bit that covers the ‘essentials’).

So, chocolate lovers out there, wouldn’t you just love to get your hands (and mouth) on the yummy chocolate ‘David’?!!

Unfortunately it does nothing for me. Chocolate gives me a mega-migraine! :(

Australia Day


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Today’s Australia Day, Australia’s National Day.

Here are so interesting facts I learned from a church leaflet last Sunday:

Australia is the smallest, flattest, and driest inhabited continent in the world. It is the only country which is also a whole continent.

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The name for the Australian marsupial Kangaroo came about when some of the first white settlers saw this strange animal hopping along and they asked the Aborigines what it was called. They replied with ‘Kangaru’ which in the native language meant ‘I don’t know’.

Per capita, Australians read more newspapers than any other nation.

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Emus and kangaroos are on the Australian coat of arms. It is thought that both animals were chosen to symbolise a nation moving forward, reflecting a common belief that neither animal can move backwards easily.

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The Australian Lyre Bird is the world’s best imitator; able to mimic the calls of 15 different species of birds in their locality and string the calls into a melody. It has been also known to mimic the sound of mobile phones.

To all my Aussie mates, Happy Australia Day!

Psst..most Aussies spend this day having a BBQ get-together. Me? I’m off to hug some koalas, spot an kangaroo or two and see those cute little penguins in Philip Island. Cheers! :)

Mint Condition


Here’s an advertisement I saw in Melbourne city that you will probably never ever see in Malaysia! :)

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The advertisement features the back of a naked man standing amidst a tea plantation. The man is visibly captured in the throes of ecstasy, for whatever reasons. The tag line was “Packed with Natural Stuff’.  I am not sure what ‘natural stuff they were referring to. The tea leaves? The moisture from the dew? The sweat from the guy’s back? Organic waste material? I dunno…

And the product they are trying to sell?

Some sort of tea tree mint, apparently. (It’s quite hard to see what they are selling, what with all the ‘distraction’)

I don’t know about you but I think the advertisement is wrong in so many ways. :)

Property Law according to a toddler


Just to prove I was listening to the sermon this morning in church (as opposed to, say, fully concentrating on Facebook-ing), this was what I learned this morning when Pastor Alan spoke on ‘Empowering Parenting – Discovering the power of encouragement‘.

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Property Law As Viewed By A Toddler

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like it’s mine, it’s mine.
8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
9. If I can see it, it’s mine.
10. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
11. If I want it, it’s mine.
12. If I “need it, it’s mine (yes, I know the difference between “want” and “need”!).
13. If I say it’s mine, it’s mine.
14. If you don’t stop me from playing with it, it’s mine.
15. If you tell me I can play with it, it’s mine.
16. If it will upset me too much when you take it away from me, it’s mine.
17. If I (think I) can play with it better than you can, it’s mine.
18. If I play with it long enough, it’s mine.
19. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it’s mine.
20. If it’s broken, it’s yours (no wait, all the pieces are mine).

As a parent of two toddler-has-beens, I vouch that every single one of the statements is true! And what’s worst, they don’t grow out of it! :)

So, to all new parents (and parents-wannabes): BE FOREWARNED! :)

BS Shield


Here is one product which might sell very well in Malaysia.

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The fine print says:

Ideal for use with: politicians, conspiracy theorists, creationists, nagging spouses, used car salesmen, old girlfriends, religious fanatics, married men, debtors, tradesmen and many more!

LOL!

With all the crap being dished out by the politicians (from both sides of the fence), God knows we all need one of these! :)

The time traveler


I was going through the discharge summaries of some patients today and I discovered that one of my patient might be a time traveler! :)

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This patient was admitted on 30th April 2008 until 2nd May 2008; and then from 4th May 2008 until 30th May 2008; followed by another admission from 31st May 2008 until 19th June 2008 and then the patient was admitted on 22 June 2008 only to be discharged on 4th April 2008 (2 months back in time)!

Amazing huh?

:)

Roo Meat


A couple of weeks ago, I finally gathered enough courage to try the meat of one of the indigenous animals of Australia:

Kangaroo Meat!

And so, it was on a Wednesday evening that I went to the Suzuki Night Market and bought ‘meself’ (that’s how some Aussies refer to themselves) a Roo Burger.


The cost of the exotic dish was AUD 9.60. It’s basically a huge bun sliced into half and stuffed with a large piece of barbecued kangaroo meat and garnished with heaps of onion (that’s how some Aussies describe ‘a lot’), slices of tomatoes, lettuce and BBQ sauce.

The meat was a lot tougher than chicken meat but less than beef. The consistency was a bit like biting into a very stale piece of fruitcake. The meat had a rather pungent smell, not unlike that of lamb. And the taste?

I thought it tasted blardy awful! (and that’s how some Malaysians describe the taste of unpalatable meat).

I will never try it again! Ever!

:)

The 16GB thumb drive


I hate Harvey Norman.

No, I don’t mean Gerry Harvey and Ian Norman, the founders (and owners) of Harvey Norman, the Australian franchise that specializes in electrical goods.

I mean I hate Harvey Norman’s Mid-Year sale! :)

The other day I went in search of a pair of earphones for my iPhone because the one that came with my phone became dysfunctional after merely 4 months of use (and yes, I hate Steve Jobs for dishing out overpriced accessories to his overpriced computers and phones) and I made the grave mistake of wandering into the Harvey Norman store in QV, Melbourne!

It was like walking into the jaws of death.

The helpful sales person in Harvey Norman, on learning what I was looking for, very quickly recommended a pair of Sennheiser earphones that he guaranteed would “blow your mind away“! And he was right! It really did blow my mind away, but not in quite the same way that he had imagined.

That flimsy pair of earphones cost a whopping AUD 128 (after 30% discount)!!!!

Wow! That’s pretty steep!“, I remarked, despite myself.

You could almost see his countenance fall when he heard my remark. In an almost disdainful voice, he replied, “Well, if you want quality, you have to pay for it!” and walked away. I almost wanted to yell after him, “JERK!*

Not so friendly after all, eh…

AAArrrrgh!!!!

Anyway, since I was already in the store, I decided to browse around and it wasn’t long before I stumbled upon what I thought was something worth buying:
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A 16GB Toshiba Thumb Drive retailing for AUD 19 (marked down from AUD 59)! If I convert that to Malaysian Ringgit, it would come to approximately RM 60 and that, in my opinion, is CHEAP!

There was, however, one minor problem.

I didn’t have a reason to buy it. I have in my possession THREE 8GB thumb drives, of which one is hardly used! If I glue these 3 together, I will have a 24GB thumb drive. Heh heh!

So, I had to exercise rule number 8 (Do a reality check) from my list of ‘RULES FOR EFFECTIVE RETAIL THERAPY FOR THE IMPOVERISHED SHOPPER’.

I also gave myself 24-48 hours to come up with a good reason to purchase the 16GB drive. After 24 hours,  I posted the line “24 hours….sigh….after ruminating for 24 hours, I still can’t come up with a good excuse to get a AUD 19 16GB thumb drive.” on my Facebook account.

I had 26 responses from my Facebook friends. They ranged from people who urged me to buy it, to people asking me for the 8GB drives that I have so I can then have a reason to buy the 16GB one, to people who informed me the price of a similar product back home is not far different from this one and of course, people who discouraged me to make the purchase. In short, nothing unanimous. :(

Anyway, after 48 hours without coming up with a concrete reason for the purchase, I decided to forgo this retail therapy. :(

And for the AUD 19 saved, I could do any of the following:

1. Buy one week’s worth of grocery
2. Pay for half a month’s gym membership
3. Get 5 days’ worth of tram rides
4. Purchase 6 days’ worth of delightful coffee with AUD 1 to spare
5. Wash and dry 3 loads of laundry
6. Watch one movie on discount days at the cinema with AUD 8 to spare
7. Pay 12 days worth of electricity bill
8. Eat 2 decent meals in the city

Sigh… but it wouldn’t have been as therapeutic as buying the 16GB thumb drive! :(

Making Aglio Olio


Today I decided to get adventurous cooking dinner. Ever since I ate my first plate of Spaghetti Aglio Olio years ago in a cozy restaurant cum art gallery across from the Universiti Malaya Medical Centre, I’ve become addicted to it.

Strangely I never thought of making it myself. Mind you, the dish isn’t cheap at the place I described earlier, with each plate costing RM 9!

This morning I surfed the net for the recipe and then went off to the Vic Market to get the ingredients.

Here’s the list of ingredients:
1. 350 g of spaghetti (I don’t have a kitchen scale but roughly 2 grasps of thin spaghetti cooks 2 meals)
2. 10 tablespoon of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
3. 3 garlic cloves
4. Hot chilli pepper (which I replaced with chilli flakes)
5. Fine parsley (took me a while to figure that parsley is ‘yim sai’ in Chinese!)
6. 150 g of peeled prawns
7. Cut button mushrooms

Here’s how you cook it:
1. Simmer the garlic and chilli flakes in the olive oil until the garlic is brown.
2. Add salt and ground pepper into the oil
3. Meanwhile wash and chop the parsley into small bits
4. Stir fry the prawns and mushrooms together in olive oil
5. Cook spaghetti in hot salted water and drain them
6. Saute the spaghetti with the garlic-infused olive oil (1) and the prawns and mushrooms (3)
7. Add the minced parsley and serve hot

And voila!

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It tasted great! Just like how they made it in the restaurant. :)

Why am I telling you this?
Actually I’m not.
I’m blogging this in case I need the recipe again. Heh heh…:)

Cheers mate!