My Christmas Wish List 2008

Dear Mrs. Santa,

Greetings from very hot Malaysia! I’ve decided not to write to Santa this year because of the of what he did last year. He sent my kids a bunch of dysfunctional reject toys! Just so you know, he also sent me an XXXL size shirt that I could fit my entire family in! Still, being good Christians that we are, we forgave him and quietly disposed off all the gifts.

However, to his credit, he did fulfill some of the stuff I asked for in my christmas wish list last year. We did get the desktop PC (though the storage capacity is a measly 80GB compared to the 300 GB I asked for) and we also got the cross trainer on which my wife and I ran like there is no tomorrow to shed off excess flab. My wife did get a few stilettos but they weren’t Jimmy Choo’s.

I also asked for a BMW 3 Series Sedan and an SLR Camera.

I am rushing this letter to you, in case Santa has packed the Sedan and Camera already. I have had a change of heart since then.

I no longer desire the Sedan. Instead, I am willing to settle for something less ‘family oriented’ plus it’s also cheaper (I think). For this year, I would like this car:

I’ve been lugging a huge NGV tank in my present car for the last couple of months and frankly, it gets annoying when even cyclists can overtake me going uphill! I swear an old grandma sped past me just the other day sitting in her mechanized wheel chair!

And so, I am humbly requesting for this car in order to restore some amount of pride in me. I promise I will not turn it into a piece of junk within 30 seconds of getting it, not like what James Bond did to his in ‘Quantum of Solace’. That brute don’t deserve this car.

And oh, please remember to place free petrol vouchers in the glove box, for at least 3 years or so. I know the price of petrol is coming down but in this country of mine, that’s about the only thing that comes down. Surely you do not want to see my family starve while sitting comfortably inside the Aston Martin Vanquish?

As for the SLR camera, I no longer desire it so much as I have such a busy schedule to run now that I do not have the leisure to snap any decent photos. In exchange, I would like to have this:

The Toshiba NB100 Netbook. Notebooks are passe these days. Though the Black Beauty I got last year has been my constant faithful companion, lugging all 2.3 kg of it around has been back breaking. I sincerely believe my tired old bones need a lighter load, and what better replacement than this 900 gram gizmo? It’s also cheaper than a SLR camera! Surely you see the logic behind this, right Mrs Santa? Oh, btw, love your outfit!

As the year draws to a close, everyone I know is winding down; everyone except me. From now till January next year I have these to do:
1. Data entering, analysing and writing a paper/abstract.
2. Plan and carry out 2 health camps.
3. Prepare exam questions.
4. Write out 2 case reports.
5. Prepare documents for my annual appraisal.

As you can see, the stress level from these activities is surely more, if not equal, to what Santa is facing in this season of giving and receiving. I personally feel I need a secretary like this one:

I know it’s hard to source for such bootylicious efficient personal assistance at such short notice, and I’m not a demanding person; therefore, should such an event occur, I would gladly accept, temporarily that is, this gadget:

The OSIM U-Crown! I tried it on at their showroom last week and it felt heavenly! It’s perfect for chronic migraine sufferers like me. Unfortunately the price tag (RM 638) would guarantee another massive migraine. I can hardly deprive my family of daily sustenance to indulge in such near-sinful luxury, can I? Surely you can see that by gifting me this gadget, you not only save my family from utter woeful poverty but will also bring salvation to my embattled soul?

I’m not going to ask for anything more, since the list is pretty long already (I will send you my children’s list much later ya). There is, however one more thing. I wonder if you could just sneak in this gadget into my goody bag from Santa this year:

I’d like to own one of these so that I can convert all the film negatives that are lying around in every nook and cranny in my house into digital images and I can finally say bye bye to those pesky long strips of negatives!

Ah yes, one more humble request: May I have a big fat bonus and an appropriate increment in my next appraisal (last year they gave me peanuts and consequently, we lived like monkeys, almost going bananas!)? You see, Mrs Santa, we will be moving to a our new humble abode soon and with the bonus and increment, perhaps we could make the humble abode a little less humble?

Let me end this letter by extending an invitation to you (you can bring Santa along, if you HAVE to), to spend a tropical holiday here in Malaysia, where we can ‘boleh’ in everything that is mundane and trivial, should you tire of the constant snow scape and chill in the North Pole. As a physician, I am terribly concerned that you might catch a chill wearing that awesome outfit (that only covers the essentials) there! A bit of tropical heat ought to do wonders for your circulation.

And I promise to greet you at the airport wearing my newly acquired Santa outfit with a mistletoe in my hand (hint, hint…):

Yours admiringly,

Jimbo.

Thurs, 041208 @ 0700

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