The desperate grandfather-wannabe

A couple of months ago, I saw a young man with HIV in my clinic.

He was doing well, not needing HAART yet as he was only recently diagnosed with HIV and still has a very good level of immunity. I told him that his CD4 was still at a very high level and that he did not need treatment yet.

There was a tentative look on his face and he seemed reluctant to get up and leave and so I asked him what’s the matter.

He told me that he plans to get married.

I asked if his fiancee is aware of his status and he nodded in affirmation.

I asked if she has any problems with that and he said “no”. (I suspect she probably haven’t the faintest idea what HIV is all about)

After a bit more probing, the story came tumbling out. Apparently this man’s father is very anxious to be a grandfather and thus has been pressuring this man to get hitched as soon as possible; get his wife pregnant and viola, he has his grandson!

I asked if he knows the risk of him infecting his wife with HIV and he told me that they (meaning his father and him) have read on the internet that sperms can be ‘washed’ free from the HIV virus and then introduced into his wife’s womb to get her pregnant. He said his father is more than willing to “fund the whole thing”!

I laid down the bare facts before him:

1. Sperm washing has been around since the 80s. To read more about it, click here.

2. It is not available in Malaysia but is available in Bangkok, Thailand.

3. It is a very costly affair, costing up to RM 10,000 per cycle.

4. There is still a 5% chance of HIV infection to the wife.

5. It is not always successful the first time round and thus would incur more cost.

I think I got him at the “RM 10 K per cycle” part.

He mumbled that he would go back and discuss the matter further with his father. I offered to hold another discussion with all of them (meaning him, his clueless-future-wife, and his father) if they come together on his next appointment.

There is really no right or wrong in this matter. All I want is that they make an informed decision at the end of the day.

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